


Smoke Screens

by ladygrey_14



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Feels, Forgiveness, Guilt, Sad, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:57:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladygrey_14/pseuds/ladygrey_14
Summary: The night prior to Zero Requiem, a particular situation allows Suzaku to finally learn the truth and make his peace with his friend turned enemy.





	Smoke Screens

**Author's Note:**

> "For those two who bear the heavy sin known as killing their fathers, they share the belief that they can forgive each other by imposing the greatest punishments on themselves. Death for Lelouch who wishes for a tomorrow with his sister, life for Suzaku who wishes to atone for his sins through death. Suzaku, who accepts the weight of Zero's mask, gives his gratitude to Lelouch. For the fact that he can atone for his sins. For the results of fulfilling his own wish." — The Official Code Geass Guide Book

Suzaku carefully folded his cape, thinking over every portion of Zero Requiem, as he did every night before bed. Just one more day. One more day, and the Holy Britannian Empire as it currently stood would crumble. The enemy of the world, Emperor Lelouch vi Britannia, would lay dead, killed at the hands of Zero.

A loud thud pulled Suzaku out of his musings. He tensed, a shiver running up his spine. _The Emperor's rooms. Fuck. Fuck!_ Running as fast as his legs would carry him, he stopped in front of Lelouch’s rooms, tugging at the door handles. _Locked. If someone came in through the windows… if he was to be assassinated before the plan…_ Suzaku took several steps back and ran at the door, his shoulder painfully colliding with the oak.

The door opened with a loud thud, hinges partially torn off the wall. Suzaku barged in and froze. Lelouch lay limp between his bed and dressing table, limbs bent unnaturally. The fear in Suzaku's stomach soured and turned to anger as he fully took in his surroundings. No blood on the floor. No smell of gunpowder. No open windows hinting at assassins having come to kill the Emperor of Britannia. Just an open black case on the dressing table, an autoinjector and empty vial strewn near Lelouch's still body.

"Don't you fucking dare!"

Suzaku grabbed the Emperor by the collar, forcefully pulling him up to his eye level, his limp body surprisingly light. Lelouch's eyes slowly opened, glazed in the low lighting of the bedroom.

"Months of lies, manipulation, and violence, and you're going to off yourself a _fucking day_ before Zero Requiem? What the fuck were you thinking! You'll ruin _everything_!"

Lelouch simply blinked at him in confusion, lips slightly parted. Suzaku roughly shoved him on the bed, stepped back, and glared at him.

"I'm calling an ambulance. You're not getting off that easy."

As he made for the door, a small voice made him stop.

"Refrain."

Suzaku turned back, comprehension dawning on him. Lelouch, propped up on his elbows, grimaced slightly.

"It's Refrain. M'not going to die. Now put the door back on and leave me". The slow, slurring words dampened the effect of the imperious tone.

Suzaku's jaw clenched. "Your death won't have much of an effect if you're speechless and invalid on the parade float beforehand."

"That's for long term users. First time."

“Are you sure? You _were_ on the ground, just now.”

“It hit me harder than I thought. I’m fine now.”

Suzaku bit his cheek, anger slowly ebbing away. This made more sense. Lelouch himself had thought up Zero Requiem and put the plan into action with him and C.C. He wouldn't carelessly ruin the grand finale of his own master scheme, though taking drugs still seemed awfully out of character for the usually composed Britannian. The Knight closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and aimed to reassess the situation. Looking at Lelouch, the Emperor seemed in no immediate danger. His eyes were glazed and his cheeks flushed, but he seemed quite lucid for someone who had taken a psychotropic drug. Suzaku sucked in a breath, his mind flashing back to a prison cell holding a red-headed girl, to his own hand holding an autoinjector to her arm, to the guilt intertwined with his intense desire for the truth.

_He just took it. He's not hallucinating yet. Even with how much control Lelouch has and how well he lies, the military uses Refrain as a truth serum for a reason. It's not like I forced it on him. He did it to himself… I'll never get this opportunity again._

Suzaku took a few steps forward and knelt in front of Lelouch, now sitting on the edge of the bed with his face in his hands. _Let’s start with something simple._

"Why did you take it? Why now?"

Lelouch lifted his head, eyeing him warily. "It's nearly time, and I'm sad. Nunnally hates me. You hate me. I just wanted to remember a happier time. Once more, before the end."

Suzaku bit his cheek again, conflicted. _Lelouch would never say anything that open and honest under normal circumstances. I'm taking advantage of his state… I wonder if this is what it feels like to use Geass on others._ Grounding himself, he looked Lelouch in the eye. _But this is my only chance to have an honest conversation with him. With my childhood friend, Lelouch vi Britannia. My friend, Lelouch Lamperouge. My nemesis, Zero. The man sitting in front of me now, whose ideals I ultimately decided to support, but whose tactics and morals I despise. No more masks and smoke screens._

"Nunnally doesn't know about our plan – she sees you as a tyrant now, but she’s forgiving. She'll understand, after she learns about it. If she doesn’t figure it out on her own, I’ll tell her myself, tomorrow afternoon.”

 _An afternoon Lelouch won’t be there to see._ Suzaku shifted uncomfortably, teetering between sadness and anger.

“As for me, you know why I hate you. You killed Euphy. You used your Geass and forced her to kill countless innocent people to further your own agenda. Do you really think you deserve to remember happier times?". His voice tightened. "Thanks to you, Euphy will never get to have any more of those".

Lelouch looked at him, his eyes filling with tears. Suzaku noticed dried tear tracks on his cheeks, wondering why he hadn't noticed them earlier when he was holding Lelouch by the collar.

"You're right. It's my greatest regret, you know. I loved her. She was the family member I was closest to, after Nunnally. The bodies of the innocents she killed still haunt my nightmares. So many, and the screams… There were children, you know. Even… I saw… babies. And shooting Euphy…" Lelouch blanched, his hands shaking, tears silently falling down his face.

Suzaku barely kept himself from punching the Emperor in the face. "You killed your sister. It's your own fault. Every one of those deaths is on your head."

Lelouch nodded. "They are. I know."

Suzaku kept his anger in check. He wanted to scream, yell, shake Lelouch. _I don't know how much longer it'll be before the Refrain fully kicks in. I can't waste time._

"Why did you do it? As Zero, you never allowed civilian casualties before then. You say you loved Euphy, but you killed her. You made her do something unforgiveable, something that went against her fundamental beliefs, and you killed her."

"I didn't mean to make her do that. My original plan was to use my Geass on her to make her shoot me superficially once we were backstage away from the cameras, to put my plans for Japan back on track... but she knew I was Zero, and she wanted to help me. I realized she was genuine about her hopes for peace, that it wasn’t a Britannian political ploy. It convinced me to support her Special Zone.”

_But... how did that end in a massacre and Euphy’s death?_ Suzaku didn't realize he'd spoken the though aloud until Lelouch started talking again. 

“We were talking, and I was explaining to her that no one could disobey my orders when I really wanted them followed. She laughed, and as an extreme example, I told her that if I was to tell her to kill all the Japanese, she would do it regardless of how she felt on the matter. Unbeknownst to me, I had just lost all control of my Geass. I didn't mean it as an order, but it took root, and she ran back to the crowd before I could restrain her. I killed her to stop her. She would've killed every Japanese person she came across until she died. There was no way to stop Geass, until Jeremiah. As far as I know, even my death wouldn't stop my previous Geass orders."

Horror and disbelief slowly swept over Suzaku. Lelouch looked sad, but honest. _He can't lie on Refrain, can he? And his father ordering that he wear that eye patch... that red glint in his eye when I first brought him to the Emperor, and when I was choking him, when he was Julius Kingsley... It wasn't there, at Ashford. It wasn't there until after the SAZ..._

"But… when we met, at the shrine... you never said… you said you used your Geass, that you ordered her. That it was your fault. That Shirley was your fault, too! Why didn't you just tell me the truth?"

"I did tell you the truth then, just not the whole truth. Telling you I'd lost control of my Geass would've sounded like an excuse, and would’ve made Zero seem weak. Even if I had told you then, you never would've forgiven me, Suzaku. We never would've gotten past it. It was easier for you to hate me."

_He's right. I wouldn't have wanted to hear it. I knew, from the look in his eyes, that he was lying, even then, but I chose to ignore it._

"And Shirley? How did she die?"

Tears were still silently streaming down Lelouch's face, his eyes glazed but honest. "Rolo shot her. He said it was to protect me – that she had regained her memories, had a gun, and was coming after me… but I talked to her as she died. She loved me, despite her father, despite everything. She had come to support me. I think he killed her out of jealousy. I'd been using him, and he thought I loved him like a brother. In the end, I'm the reason Shirley died."

Suzaku stood, reeling from the information. His own eyes had filled with bitter tears.

"I don't know what to think. I've always hated Zero, but all this time, I hated you, Lelouch, because of what happened with Euphy. Now you're telling me it was an accident? That Shirley's death wasn't actually your fault?"

He started pacing, his mind racing.

"You've done some terrible things, but the reasons I hated you aren't…I… I forsook you! I sold you out to your father, let him turn you into a ruthless military advisor!". He dropped back to his knees, defeated. "Why didn't you at least tell me when I joined you?"

Lelouch took his hand and smiled sadly. "It would have been easier for you to kill me if you hated me. You wouldn't even had had to mourn me."

Lelouch let go of his hand and laid back, sighing. Suzaku sat beside him.

"I still would've mourned you, Lelouch. You were my best friend long before you were my enemy. I wish you would've told me the truth. I would've had months to process. I don't know if I would've been able to forgive you, but… things could have been different. Now there's only one day". He sighed. "Is Zero Requiem really the best plan?"

"It is. The world will be a better place."

"I know you have to die for the plan, but... do you _want_ to die?"

"I don’t truly _want_ to die. I wish I could stay with Nunnally. Everything I did, I did for a reason, but my hands have been stained beyond salvation in the process. I deserve to die."

He blinked, once more made aware of the parallels between himself and Zero. Himself and Lelouch. “You and me both. Though you’ve condemned me to live with my own sins.”

“I never wanted to use my Geass on you. It was a last resort. Still, I’m glad I didn’t use it to force you to join me at the beginning, as much as I wanted you to. And I’m happy you’ll have to live on to see the peace that’s coming. Kururugi Suzaku _is_ dead. You’ll be Zero. The symbol of a new, fairer, united world.”

Suzaku laid beside Lelouch, unsure what to ask next. _How different would things have been if I had joined him then? We can do anything together. If I had understood, if I had let go of my stupid personal rules sooner, it could have prevented so much needless death... including Lelouch’s._ He shut his eyes, willing his thoughts to stop spinning so fast. Minutes passed silently as he collected himself.

"Lelouch… do you... do you hate me?"

"Suzaku… that's brilliant!" Lelouch murmured, eyes opened and glassy, a wide smile creeping on his dazed face.

"What?"

"Happiness… it's like glass. All about perspective. Turn it, and it shines… like little stars, right Nunnally?"

He looked to the man beside him, and his tears finally spilled free. _My childhood friend, Lelouch vi Britannia. My friend, Lelouch Lamperouge. My nemesis, Zero. Finally, without the masks. Without the lies. Without the smoke screens. A friend I hurt, didn't trust, betrayed. A friend whose happiest memory, at the very end, is of me and his little sister._

_A friend I'm killing tomorrow, before I can ever make things right again._

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, as Suzaku's sword plunged into Lelouch's heart, Zero's mask hid his tears and the red rims around his irises from the crowd.

_I feel like I'm dying with you, Lelouch. My first and last friend._

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! I write very rarely (full time work and full time grad school will do that to you), but binged Code Geass over the last week prior to going to see Lelouch of the Re;surrection, and wanted to write something I felt was lacking at the end of R2. We see Suzaku join Lelouch in the end, but never know if Lelouch told him the whole story, or if Suzaku ever really forgave his childhood friend.
> 
> So... that's how you end up with an angsty, teary, wordy one-shot. Really laid on the emo.


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